(Warning, this may get a little artistic, please bear with me.)
I’m struggling to place myself in the world at the moment. I realise that since moving to Manchester I haven’t been able to live in my normal pattern. A lot of this has to do with not having a job, and trying to find my position as an artist and doing the Pilates course, which are not usual for me, but some of it is more subtle I think.
In the last few sessions of the Pilates training we were talking about the different sorts of clients we might encounter and how we would tailor classes to their needs and the teacher said ‘…and you as a dancer would look at doing things differently.’ and it hit me that I didn’t feel like a dancer any more. My last class was five weeks ago, and somehow I’ve lost the identification with that way of life. I’m hoping this doesn’t last and as soon as I start class again the identification will return, but at the moment I feel like someone who once danced, as a child.
Someone pointed me towards this video from La La La Human Steps who are a Quebecois dance group that one of my photography tutors suggested was connected with my degree show work. Their new stuff is amazing, and the last minute or so of the piece seems to illustrate how I feel at the moment.
So I guess that all this crise artistique nonesense is good for me after all because it’s shoved me back into my old familiar groove of identity/physicality/objectification. There’s a silver lining for you!