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Dear Carrot Cake,

It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve tried to make this relationship work; I’ve set aside my deep-seated feelings about vegetables in cake, I’ve scoured the Internet for recipes that don’t include the Evil Food Du0 (nuts and bananas) or tinned fruit.

I spiced carefully (mm, cardamom) and lined the cake tins, just in case.

I researched new icing recipes, looking for something that would add a certain mystery to the occasion.

I even tried to add decoration in the hopes that it would make me love you.

But now I see that you can’t force love, or even affection. I didn’t even cry when Batman dropped the second half of you destined for his workmates on the floor this morning. It was never going to work between us.

Not terribly fondly,

The girl planing a chocolate cake for the cat’s birthday on Sunday